Complement Me

Don't Complete me, Complement me

Have you ever heard people say " I want to be someone with who completes me" or say something like " You complete me" to their other half? I know I have. I actually used to believe that at one point in time. But as I got older, that belief kept being challenged by my experiences. 

I started to wonder- why do I need somebody else to complete me? Why would who I am as a person depend on somebody else being present in my life? Shouldn't this process of feeling whole and complete be just dependent on myself? The only answer that my mind  kept coming up with was that-I should feel complete and whole without being dependent on another person. I shouldn't need anybody else to complete me. Rather than looking for someone to complete us, we should look for someone who can complement who we already are as a person. 


If the word complement is causing you confusion, then think of this analogy - Peanut butter complements Jelly to make a Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwich. It may seem weird but the idea is the same, you want to find someone who can be your counterpart, someone who is going to add to who you already are as a person. 

I think when people say " I can be myself around him" or " I don't have to change who I am to be with this girl", what it really means is that they have found someone who complements them. People often find themselves in relationships where everything could seem be perfect on paper, yet something is still missing. This something missing is the fact that two people are not complementing each other.  

Have you ever wondered, what if this person that "completes" you, all of a sudden is not in your life anymore? If they complete you , then their departure from your world ( whether that's through moving far away, breaking up, divorcing or dying) will leave you feeling incomplete again. Sure, the relationship you had with this person will end but it is not going end who you are as person. If you focus on being with someone who complement's you, your identity is your own and your own only. This person then is adding to who you already are and showing you sides of yourself that you may not see for yourself (providing balance). They are not defining who you are as a person based on their existence. Both people in any relationship as whole and complete on their own, will bring extra value to each other forming a good balance that works well together, that is healthy and one that fits one another. 

At the end of the day, the only person you will be with for the entire duration of your lifetime is you. So, be your own self and your own person rather than expecting a relationship to define that for you. 

-Dhara 

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